I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
