Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
