every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
