i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
