after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
