in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am midnight drunk by noon
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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