Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
