I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
