haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
