Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
