Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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