Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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