2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
