I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
