he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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