I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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