Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
