bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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