There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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