It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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