i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
