i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
