about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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