I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
