Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
