he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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