Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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