Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
