Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
