Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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