it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
