She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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