that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
