Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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