Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
