I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.