U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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