you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.