As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
