How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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