Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
