His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
