dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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