how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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