Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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