Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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