The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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