i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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