OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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