She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
