he shaved USA in his pubs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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