someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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