She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
