remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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