why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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