Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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