what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
