jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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