thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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