you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
