If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
