i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
