He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
